The Stuff of Weddings

I’m a big fan of other people’s blogs: the elegantly worded, deliciously inviting and inspiring vignettes and beautiful turns of phrase peppered with lovingly photographed what-have-you from the momentous to ho-hum.  Some puts you in a serious, reflective mood.  Some makes you happy or weepy.  There is either a slow dawning or a startling flash of insight.  

I like wedding sites, too!  Some of the shticky sentimentality gets to me, some are just..ick!  Mostly, I like the details that go into the big to do.  Subtle, witty touches.  The dessert bar
Color is a motif not a theme.  Themes are concepts.  You choose whatever point in your love story or meet up resonates and then take it from there. 

Like, if you met in a bar you get to party in one.  Too literal I know, needs a little tweaking.  For instance, the invitation to a joint stag and shower (simple, no incriminating videos to stumble upon on the internet) could be worded in the way of pick up lines and printed on coasters or tied to a swizzle stick or one of those fancy curly drinks straw.  “You must be so tired; you’ve been running through our minds.  Come have a drink to us and on us on this date blah blah blah.”  There are better lines but this is just an example.  Then you go get together your single friends and match them up – one guy gets the first half of a real pick up line and a girl has the other.  Of course, better to screen your pairings.  No poaching on other people’s territory please!  A highlight would be something like speed dating, in two parts.  The first would be the real one, like playing musical chairs except you have 3 minutes to say something striking and memorable about yourself before moving on to the next girl/guy’s table.  At the end of this speed dating ritual, you then hold a speed-talk-about-the-couple thing, where guests do just that and you have it on video cam.  Voila, instant movie to show at the reception.  

All in good fun and your single friends won’t feel so singled out when they go to your reception next (fingers crossed they match up nicely).Your family and relatives can go fend for themselves; they all have roles and table group already. 

At the wedding reception you could have one of those light up mobile bars, serve bar food or real food in cutesy servings or cuts;  a signature drink made just for you. You might want a dance band, or TVs here and there showing music videos and the like.  You could have cocktail tables, bar stools and couches in groups for seating, ranged around a step up glass or acrylic bar where you (the couple) sit and lord it over the crowd.  Stylized, of course! In neon lights if your make-up and complexion can take it hahaha.  No flowers or twinkly lights – more like fiber optic lights.  If you can afford it, you could have fiber optic ‘sprigs’ hanging from the ceiling, right over tables or in huge silver or black tall vases, complimented with silver twigs with white camellias or rose flower heads.  Or you could have silver trays with mirrors and flowers in all manner of bar glassware as centerpieces with monogrammed napkins or rings made of silver dipped cork (just the bottom half). This one is designed by Nessi, who also provided me with all these pictures: The Palace in San Francisco, the quirky mural on a SanFo cafe et al. 

You could have neon candy shaped like wine glasses or bottles; get a good pastry chef to make desserts that look like and taste like cocktails; have a custom wedding cake that glows in the dark.  

The wedding party could dress up in vests – stylized of course, worn over pants or tutus, Black Swan-ish.  That is a great movie, love Natalie Portman.  It was pretty disturbing, makes me wary of overreaching and having my own obsessive compulsiveness get the better of me! 





If you are squeamish about black for a wedding, go for deep tones – purple, plum, indigo.  Everything else should be simple and monochromatic, since your fiber optic accents and lighting are colorful enough.  You could give away chocolate, nuts or small wine bottles (lots of suppliers to tap, online or not).  You need a good script and a good host, so he/she could keep the party up on their toes.  You need a nice venue, either a stylized warehouse, atrium or glass house type - not too high ceilings or so much space that it is difficult to create a cozy, intimate set up but high enough to make you feel God is looking in hehe.  The theme and all its props should fit in with the look of the venue. Lofty is for fairy tale, celestial weddings and stately couple proportions.  The Palace of Fine Arts is a great venue for fairy tale weddings, real romantic and old enough to stand on tradition.  Think of the symbolism, do you want a marriage that lasts or one that's just tipsy turvy? Kidding! Speaking of symbols, how about the swans. One cannot live without the other right? They are purity and eternal faithfulness, grace and beauty...all that, except when they can't make babies.  Drats! There's always a caveat to emptor the nest, right? Moral of the story: choose your symbols wisely.  Love needs all the help it can get.

You could think up a storm about weddings.  You could get a wedding planner to give you what you want but be ready to listen when things are not possible; there are venue restrictions; caterer inclusions or ex; your own budget limitations.  A wedding is a wedding and it doesn’t have to be fanciful but it is still all about logistics and expense. You can rent a great accent piece, like a revolving crystal flower ball light with the smoky-hazy effect. 

There’s a local supplier I like, Likha – nice to deal with and have lots of nice theme-y stuff that looks good even when the special lights are out.  

Themes are extra everything but you can always modify.   If you plan on doing it yourselves, go ahead but make sure it is all out of your hands on the day of.  You may trust your own family with your to do list on the day but believe me, they will get caught up on the reunions and the stress of giving you your best day ever while they make sure they photograph well (to post on Face Book). 

And rehearse!  You don’t have to make it a dinner and the works thing, just time the music to what you’re supposed to be doing (to the minute or music cue), record on video then email these to the participants, if they can’t be there.  Their march is so standard there won’t be any pre-empting to worry about. 

Lastly, as Charlotte Druckman puts it so sweetly:  You want a love that’s going to stick, a dark, near-burnt caramel kind of love.  Makes me want to go make some...tarts! I can see you go 'huh?". I like caramel but find it too sweet to be (always) true.  I like a crusty but stable tart shell to hold up the fruity or chocolaty filling with the dreamy meringue on top torched just a tiny bit for that patina of ...age? history? longevity? maturity? tested but survived? What the hey I just think the mix of flavors: some sweet, some tart; all crackle and crisp and gooey and light; the happiness of anticipation and finally digging in with some crumb or cream falling over in a pretty mess - that sounded more like love to me.  (Shucks! Am I glad you guys don't know me or you'd be throwing tomatoes at me next hehe).  But sticking together like caramel, yep, that's good too!

P.S. I am not a wedding planner, just the think tank sometimes.  I have helped several friends with their theme weddings.  Anyway, lots of wedding sites to choose and get ideas from, they even have to-do lists.  I just want to be helpful.  I am preternaturally optimistic about weddings. I  know a bit about them; went to a lot; bridesmaid often; emceed much.    I haven’t got 27 dresses – more like 15.  Some are hideous, some designer frocks.  Brides are weird about dressing the entourage. Oh, and this is me, sleepless and rambling.  I hope I make sense (and useful) to some of you with this lot I’m turning out.  Many thanks, too, to those who click on and read my blog.  You guys do an amazing job getting me to step up and apply myself.   Also thanks to whoever made this invitation.  Plenty of nice moms in law I know, but this one is just so funny  ; ) 


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