Post Birthday World

I feel for the eggs, really, all scrambled up and lost in the batter
I think I understand why some people don't like celebrating birthdays. I have friends who dread being asked how many years they've lived. I mind the numbers only because it reminds me I haven't "lived" enough. I'm sure you have felt (at some point) regret, sadness and got a bit disoriented on a birthday  going over what you should have accomplished, milestones missed, lost opportunities etcetera.

When I was younger my melancholy stemmed from not getting gifts on my wishlist (despite broad hints), having to work on the day, or the absent boyfriend (busy)! I don't care for birthdays much, except there's supposed to be someone (more exciting than family) with whom to share the supposed special day. He is also expected to come up with a good surprise or two.

As I got older it got to be because the round of dinners and coffees with friends dwindled Most of my friends have gone on to other countries, other lives and tied to wifely (or hubby) duties that I hesitate to vent, ask counsel or share with them my meager adventures. I know I won't be judged (just in for a scolding and some matchmaking hehe) and they will sympathize but I also know they have little time to spare, more so when our time zones are not in sync. To me, birthdays and Christmases (though happy enough events) mean less friends to celebrate with. Oh its easy to add thousands of friends on FaceBook and get greetings and messages but I miss being in a "live" group enjoying crazy, witty, animated conversation that flows as freely as bottomless coffee, digging up nuggets from an (already) fading memory like biting into cheesecake and encountering a bit of brownie or a satisfying crunch of coffee caramel. I crave for that kind of connection.

There are new friends, but shared adventures are mostly work bound and too new.

almost half gone before the camera was ready, like always!
My birthday passed rather quietly. I did get happy with lots of Facebook greets...and I had cake! Baked it myself, put in lots of cocoa in the batter, OD'd it with coffee, filled the middle with Blackout Frosting and because I had the extra egg whites (froze them, worked okay) from previous batches of chocolate chunk cookies, made fluffy icing. I threw in lots of rainbow candy sprinkles which I happen to have in store since I made everybody else's birthday cakes this year. Mine was the last one.

Baking is therapeutic. Got me out of the birthday funk (so did my blast from the past friend Milliecious' McDonald's treat and the Avon Anew Rejuvenate kit gift - perfect for keeping the numbers from...uhhh...showing ; )

P.S. This post's title I borrowed from The Post Birthday World by Lionel Shriver.  The heart print cupcake paper with a wedding band in the cover drew me.  I thought, hmm, my kind of chic lit - a little deeper, emotionally resonant and as simple and conflicted as real life.  The option of two endings is real nice.  I wish I can see how mine turns out.


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