Natural Selection

I was at my favorite neighborhood (ok, it’s in the next next next one) internet shop owned by my favorite couple friends – the better half being the simple mom blogger. We had fun chitchatting while I planted black roses and asked Facebook friends to send me wedding tents and a gazebo for my master planned wedding venue (already have a spa).  On another tab, I cooked impossible quiche.  Just before I left she told me I should marry.  Hmmm! A portent?! Key words: black roses, wedding and impossible - a clue? Now I don’t think anything’s gonna happen before my birthday (next week!). 

It has crossed my mind.  I have all sorts of weird thoughts.  If you’ve been reading my posts you’d agree.  Like if I begin this blog I will have to start taking more pictures.  To take pictures I will have to have a veddy veddy nice camera.

I will have to remember to bring the camera always.  Then I will have to remember to take pictures of the food (if it is the subject of the post)before I eat it.  As I fancy myself a bit of an “artiste”, I have to food style it when necessary. Cold food is not nice.  If it’s a thing or a scene, I will have to angle my shots and squat or stop my hands and feet from making involuntary movements, that takes blurry pictures! I will have to head off paranoia that someone will snatch my veddy veddy nice camera (sigh).  But I don't have one.

I am more than happy though, with my trusty, also veddy veddy nice Sony Ericsson K660i, except my 2 meg cam phone with the great Carl Zeiss lens don’t zoom on camera mode (or maybe I haven't figured out the how tos of that and yellow light or night shots. I’d like to boast though, that most of the pictures on this blog, the best daylight ones like these 

were taken with my day glo apple green Sony Ericsson K660i
It's my jogging companion too - crisp sounds from my headphones (Sony, natch!) keep my pace up.  There are editing doodads on the phone itself and on the website but I haven't been able to use it much or download all the updates.

Sometimes I get to borrow my dad’s Olympus which can go go from 5 to 8 meg on super fine.  I use that for the flash too (indoor cookie shots hehehe).

Once home I will have to transfer pics, write the post, worry about layout and wish I learned Photoshop or still had Microsoft Picture Editor (co-terminus: 6-month trial period).  Then I will have to edit everything!  If I think about all these things, I would just forget it.  Tires me out before the doing.  So, I write first, shoot pictures later or vise-versa.  I rather like thinking off the top of my head.

So what’s the connection with the question? The nowhere to be found groom to be! I don’t work regular days or hold office.  When I did, I was the boss so no one approached me, except for D.O.Es (dirty old executives) and married men in “open” relationships (its not cheating, its keeping the marriage spicy).  Aargh.  The rest of the male population is cute but gay.  They have better skin too.  There were a few boyfriends in the past and I have been lucky that they “fit the profile”.  Kind of cute, driven, dress ok enough, pays for everything.  Except they’re too busy chasing money.  That’s give and take you know, you get the good provider but they’re never all there, know what I mean?  You get a catch with a catch! Since I’m smart enough about things they do or care about, I get to be the one they consult and discuss work stuff with as well as date. I thought of myself as the incidental girlfriend.  Like, incidentally “I have a seminar to go to, want to come along so we can still see each other.” Or, incidentally “I need to sign papers at the office so could we drop by before dinner?”   Or, “there’s a marketing expo you might want to go to, ‘cause I am.”  And then mostly I wait with DVDs playing on the conference room TV, or tag along like a First Lady nodding and smiling at everyone he knows but I’ve never met . Some will ask with a wink, “when’s the date”, as if we were this close.  Years later, it’s over. 

Years later, I am! Over with the dieting and maintaining ( now its an off and on thing, mostly so I can still fit in my fave clothes) so I’d fit their trophy girlfriend profile. Plus I bake now so that’s my excuse hehehe.  But really, I don’t put myself out there.  I didn’t want to have to deal with guys who think they are all I’m good for now and no right to be picky - tick tock, tick tock , boooonnggg!  I had a Tagged account with my real age on there and I got dregs. I cancelled the account.  I am so bad I know.  I keep knocking on wood.  Maybe I should start carrying a baseball bat lol!

That’s my story.  I’d rather not start.  I still hope it happens but if it doesn’t - it doesn’t.  If I had to worry about putting out a decent picture for my blog, even more I’ll have a headache with dating today and all the ups and downs of Modern Love (you should read the stuff on the columns, really enlightening and exasperating at the same time. This may not be New York but these things are the same everywhere else).  It isn't just you who have to love yourself, the other person should do the same for himself too, before he gets with you. 

P.S. Natural Selection by Bill Dare is one of my favorite books.   
James is in love with best friend Victoria but can’t say it.  He is also kind of a loser with a weird friend.  He is hilarious.  He tells the difference between a guy and a bloke.  I realize I wanted a guy. He is a bloke. Very English! He made me understand how men think - just a little bit to survive all the weird stuff they come up with! I wonder how some guy will survive knowing me.  Maybe I should ask my ex?  ; )         


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